Sobriety Girlfriend

by Maddie Swinger

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04:08
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01:09
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03:57
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7.
02:10

credits

released February 20, 2016

i did all the stuff

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Maddie Swinger Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Just a girl and her piano doin' the things that girls and pianos do.

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Track Name: Falling in Love in the City
they sent me off with a handful of tricks in my pocket
look sharp stay smart dont talk to strangers keep walking
but how could i know
that the greatest danger of all
wasn't gunshots or knifefights or walking at midnight?
no they never said that
falling in love in the city's
the most dangerous thing you can do
i must be blind to think i'm immune
cause just when i find the rhythm of this city
i'll fall out of time with you

but i'm not afraid of you
i've made mistakes much worse than you

falling in love in the city
can make you feel like you're under some spell
cause just when you're finding the rhythm of this city
you won't even notice you fell

but we are all ablaze in hopeful ignorance
shedding any possibility of honest romance
i'm counting the beats in the pauses you take on the phone

but we are not becoming what we thought we would
taking steps in the direction of what's pure and what's good
something new and exciting but bound for a bitter end
i just hope someday i can truly call you friend
Track Name: Balconies
wringing my hands gently
my body ached to say you hurt me in some way i can't name
and isn't it always the case?
my mouth's afraid to frame those old cliches
you'd only scoff at anyway
why'd i have to turn my love into a game we all get to play?
but the rules, you claim, were vague

there will always be someone consoling me on ninth floor balconies

and maybe i'm too fragile
my disposition isn't fit to house the sort of tenderness you grant me with
but your fingers wrapped around my waist
provide a different take on what love is
but still i'm not convinced

and there will always be someone consoling me on ninth floor balconies

and we're too set on believing
that missing forgives leaving

there will always be someone consoling me on ninth floor balconies

there will always be
somewhere, somebody to blame
for the throb in my throat
or the slap to my name
Track Name: Is This Love
you whir like an engine starting
and i take pride in your pleasure
i am pressed against you like a shield
a good, solid feeling i can pine for

and if love is holding a torch in one hand
and a leash in the other
and if love is only supply and demand
can i call you my lover?

when you are away i stretch myself thin
every vertebrae in my spine
i like to think you do the same
when i am out of sight

and what is love and what is lust
(one a blessing and one a sin)
and how can i tell the difference
how can i know which of them i am in?

(i took a walk and the air smelled like camp
like wet grass freshly mowed
i saw a place that vaguely looked
like a place you frequently are
and in under 2 seconds my heart grew heavy
and that's how i know we can't be friends
and i thought myself blue till i got back home...)

and if you must hold my heart in your hands,
in the sphere of your fist,
hold it like the newborn dove that it is
keep it blindly in bliss
Track Name: To You, Today
i travelled to you today
fell in love with the bodies on the train
fell in love with the dying and dead cities
that i passed along the way

you met me with your arms outstretched
like mosquito netting, still unable to catch
all the salt in your words that seeps right into
every little scratch
you'd think that by now you'd have fixed that

but i ain't been feeling myself these days
caught in the glare of your endless gaze
i never wanted it to stay

"come meet me today" he said
and i winced at my readiness
shoved it all down my throat
till i said with a steady voice "no"

he's a blister on my foot
he keeps me from moving forward
i cannot take one step without a reminder
of what we did and what you've done
you call me up and speak in tongues and

i ain't been feeling myself these days
caught in the glare of your endless gaze, all day

how nice to rely on you
as a distant memory, not someone who lives and breathes somewhere
how nice to look into the eyes of the people that i meet
and not see you in there
i swear, i cared.
did i care?
did i care?

well i ain't been feeling myself these days
caught in the glare of your endless gaze
Track Name: To Get It Off My Chest
i just called to tell you that i love you
to get it off my chest
my thoughts and dreams forever of you
and of our happiness

i just called to tell you i miss you
but wish you all the best
my lips still wish that they could kiss you
but my heart must go to rest

though you're long gone now
honey i'm not too proud
to tell you that i dream of your caress

i just called you that i love you
to get it off my chest
Track Name: Adderall
you told me you did adderall when you were back in high school
and i must admit it made me think that you were pretty cool
and you said that it was bad
and i wanted to believe you
but i couldn't help but think that if i did it i could be cool too

and we'll flashback
i'm on the phone with my ex boyfriend
who is high as fuck
and talking off my ear about some theory
that he just made up
and i'm thinking to myself
"when will he stop so i can hang the fucking phone up
i'm gonna hang the fucking phone up"

so maybe what i wanted out of somebody that loved me
was a lack of self-control and an addictive personality
and i'm thinking i was wrong for getting so involved
with a lunatic who loved to trip more than he loved me all along

and its funny
i'm not the type who ever wanted
to be high as fuck
but seeing him like that made me wonder
what i'm passing up
is it worth it not to care what my mom thinks
and just have some teenaged fun
is it worth it to fuck up

you told me you did adderall when you were back in high school